FAST Skill
“I can’t set myself on fire to keep others warm”
-said someone through the grapevine
This quote embodies the FAST skill's core principle of maintaining self-respect while interacting with others, emphasizing that we cannot effectively help others if we completely deplete our own resources. Sacrificing our well-being entirely for others is not a balanced or sustainable approach. We cannot effectively live the lives we want if there’s nothing left to give ourselves. We can take care of ourselves without having to apologize for it. Our own well-being is a valid priority.
Case Example
Are you the type of person who finds it hard to say no? If you often say yes to extra work from colleagues while feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Take a look at the FAST approach.
Be Fair
First and foremost, it’s essential to recognize that it is entirely fair to have limits. You don’t have to overextend yourself to be a team player. For instance, if a colleague requests your help on a project when you already have a full plate, it’s perfectly acceptable to respond with, “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I have a full workload right now.” It’s completely fair to say no thank you!
No Apologies
One of the biggest hurdles to saying no is the urge to apologize. Many people find themselves saying, "I’m so sorry, but..." when they need to decline additional responsibilities. Instead, focus on confidently stating your position without unnecessary apologies. In doing this you’re asserting your boundaries and reflecting to yourself self-respect. It’s okay to be clear about your capacity without feeling the need to justify it excessively.
Stick to Your Values
If you value work-life balance or have other personal priorities, let those values guide your decisions. For instance, you might say, “Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is important to me, so I can’t take on additional tasks at this time.” Sticking to your core values not only fortifies your boundaries but also communicates what matters most to you, reinforcing respect from others regarding your choices.
Be Truthful
Be truthful about your capacity to take on new tasks. You can say, “Right now I don’t have the bandwidth to take on more projects and I want to maintain the quality of my work.” Lying can reinforce the idea that I need a “good” excuse to say no or ask for what I want.
Reference
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.