ACCEPTS Skill in DBT

Picture this: It’s Thanksgiving dinner, and Auntie shows up unexpectedly. You know the type—she loves to overshare and critique everyone, especially you! You hear her chatting away about your recent leave from work, calling it 'overly dramatic' and saying your generation lacks work ethic. Your face gets hot and your chest constricts—sound familiar?

We’ve all been there! It’s frustrating, isn’t it? But instead of reacting with anger, let’s look at some DBT skills that can help you manage your emotions and navigate these tense family dynamics.

What is ACCEPTS?

ACCEPTS is an effective distress tolerance skill designed to help you manage intense emotions without escalating conflict or exacerbating the distress. It channels your energy into activities that can distract your mind and help you move through the crisis. Each letter stands for a different way to distract yourself from those overwhelming emotions.

Let’s break it down…

Activities: Engage in a task to shift your focus. How about setting the table like royalty? Focus on napkin placement instead of her judgment.

Contributing: Shift your attention to helping others. Offer to entertain the kids outside. This gives you a moment to breathe while increasing the feel-good chemicals from helping out!

Comparisons: You might think, ‘Me three years ago would not have handled this situation as graceful as I did’.

Emotions: Try watching a funny movie trailer or rewatch the movie trailer for Jeepers Creepers for a little thrill.

Pushing away: Notice that thought creeping in that you’re disappointing everyone? That’s normal. Just push that thought onto a metaphorical shelf for now. You can come back to it later.

Thoughts: Use your energy to clear stage 38 of Cubic Maze

Sensations: Eating an ice cube may sound odd, but the cold sensation can be effective

Why Distraction?

Now, you might be wondering about the effectiveness of these strategies. Distraction isn’t about avoiding problems but rather about taking a strategic pause. Research indicates that our choice of coping strategies often depends on our emotional intensity. High-intensity feelings, like frustration or anxiety, often call for distraction techniques, while low-intensity emotions can be managed through cognitive reframing.

A study involving 103 participants found that those who utilized distancing techniques reported lower negative feelings. This aligns perfectly with "Pushing Away," one of the components of ACCEPTS. By temporarily shelving distressing thoughts, you can reduce their power and regain focus on the present moment.

Final thoughts

So, the next time you find yourself in a tense family gathering or simply in an intense moment, remember the ACCEPTS skill. When Auntie starts her stinging commentary, you can lean into these techniques to help you maintain your composure. They aren’t about avoiding your feelings or letting Auntie walk all over you. Instead, you're responding with grace rather than reacting with frustration. It's about staying true to your values while keeping your cool.

Distraction isn’t defeat; it’s a wise retreat. Distract with Wise Mind ACCEPTS.

References:

Zhang N, Zhang K, Wang J, Sun X. Distract or Reappraise? The Mechanism of Cognitive Emotion Regulation Choice and Its Influential Factors. Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2022 Dec 16;15:3699-3708. doi: 10.2147/PRBM.S389835. PMID: 36560960; PMCID: PMC9767025.

Denny, B. T., & Ochsner, K. N. (2014). Behavioral effects of longitudinal training in cognitive reappraisal. Emotion, 14(2), 425.

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.