Myths about Emotions
What color is an apple?
What color is water?
How about an alien?
If you instantly answered red, blue, and green, respectively, you're not alone; I would bet a dime that 90% of people answered similarly.
My answers?
1) Granny smith apples need more recognition.
2) Transparency isn’t a color.
3) I’ve never met an alien so how would I know.
These automatic responses reveal something fascinating about how our minds work. We've been conditioned by repeated exposure to create instant, unquestioned mental images. The idea that apples are red, water is blue, and aliens are green has been reinforced so many times that these images appear almost instantaneously.
The same phenomenon occurs with emotion myths—those deeply ingrained beliefs about emotions that we've unconsciously absorbed over time. These myths are so deeply rooted that we often accept them as absolute truth without ever questioning their validity.
How many of you agree to the following statements:
Being emotional means being out of control
Other people are the best judges of how I am feeling
My emotions are who I am
Sombering isn’t it? Before we start to look at some myths we might hold, let's start with a question.
What Are Emotion Myths?
They’re beliefs we hold about emotions that get in the way of our ability to regulate emotions effectively.
Let’s set the record straight
Being emotional means being out of control
Challenge: Being emotional means I’m human. Everyone feels emotions and at different intensities.
Other people are the best judges of how I am feeling
Challenge: My feelings are valid regardless if others understand or approve of them. I am the only one who can fully experience my emotions.
My emotions are who I am
Challenge: I am someone who contains multitudes and being just my emotions flattens my identity.
Why Is This Important?
Emotion myths play a crucial role in shaping our relationship with our feelings. By understanding these underlying beliefs, we gain valuable insight into what might be hindering our ability to regulate emotions effectively.
Consider this: If you believe that being emotional means losing control, you might find yourself suppressing all emotional expressions. However, this suppression often leads to an eventual outburst, reinforcing the false idea that you have no control over your emotions. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy and a trap to break free from.
Similarly, if you believe that others are the best judges of how you're feeling, how can you develop self-trust? This myth can lead to a disconnect between your internal experience and your understanding of it, making it difficult to navigate your emotional landscape confidently and effectively.
Lastly if you identify too closely with your emotions, especially negative ones like anxiety or sadness, it can be incredibly challenging to regulate these feelings or move past them. After all, if you believe your anxiety is an inherent part of your identity, the prospect of managing or reducing it might seem impossible or even threatening to your sense of self.
We open the door to a more balanced emotional life by recognizing and challenging these emotional myths. It's about understanding that emotions are a part of us, but they don't control us or define us entirely. This awareness is a powerful first step towards better emotional regulation.
Reference:
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.