D (in DBT) is for Dialectics

Yanny versus Laurel becomes…

Yanny AND Laurel.

A couple of years ago, a viral audio clip had people divided over what they were hearing. Some insisted it was "Laurel," while others were convinced it was "Yanny." Sound familiar? For a nostalgic recap, check out this New York Times article that dives into the fascinating science of sound frequencies behind the debate.

How is this relevant to DBT? Well, today, we're diving into one of the most fundamental concepts in DBT: dialectics.

What Does "Dialectics" Mean?

At its core, dialectics is about finding the synthesis between opposites. It’s the idea that two seemingly contradictory ideas can coexist and be true at the same time.

The Yanny/Laurel debate isn't just about a weird audio clip. It's a metaphor for how we approach differences in life. Sometimes, the most effective response is simply to acknowledge that multiple truths can coexist.

Case Example

Consider this (totally hypothetical not inspired by true events scenario):

You walk in to find your nephew with a dripping wet sponge, giving your brand-new wireless keyboard a bubbly bath. Why? Because he had gotten angry over Roblox and, of course, spilled his drink all over the place right before this little cleaning spree. Are you now approaching level 10 of anger? Yes. Do you still love this kid like your own? Yes. It makes sense that you can be angry AND love that kid to pieces.

You can love someone deeply while also feeling frustrated by their actions. In the world of dialectics, both emotions are valid. This concept encourages you to accept the complexity of your feelings instead of forcing them into black-and-white categories.

Why is Dialectics Important in DBT?

Dialectics plays a crucial role in DBT for several reasons:

Acceptance and Change: DBT promotes the idea that you can accept who you are while simultaneously striving to change and grow. This balance helps reduce feelings of shame and self-hatred, empowering you to be who you are as you let go of behaviors and patterns that are not supporting the life you want.

Interpersonal Relationships: In relationships, dialectics encourages you to recognize and validate your perspective while also considering the other person’s viewpoint. This leads to healthier communication and conflict resolution because you’re not throwing one piece out, you're exploring who your piece and their piece fit together.

Flexibility in Thinking: Dialectical thinking helps break down rigid thought patterns. Instead of viewing situations in black and white, you learn to explore the nuances. In the nuance we become more thoughtful as we let go of our rigid stance.

Practical Ways to Embrace Dialectics

So, how can you start applying dialectical principles in your life? Here are some fun and practical tips to get you started:

Look for Both Sides

Life isn’t black and white so where’s the grey? To explore this grey area, try creating a list of challenging situations that cause you distress. Then, for each situation, set up three columns: one for your thoughts, another for opposing viewpoints, and a middle column for synthesizing these arguments. This exercise can help you recognize the shades of complexity in your experiences.

Play Devil’s Advocate

Get unstuck by inviting the other side to make an appearance. You can do this alone by arguing each side of your own position with equal passion.

Practice Letting Go

Let go of old language! Change “either-or” to “both-and,” “always” or “never” to“sometimes.”

Seek Support

No need to do this work alone! Consider joining a DBT skills group or working with a therapist trained in DBT. The structured environment can help you catch the “but” and practice dialectical thinking.

Final Thoughts

Dialectics is a different way of thinking; it’s a framework that can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. By embracing the idea that opposites can coexist, you allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of emotions and complexities in life (like the audio debate).

By embracing the idea that opposites can coexist, you can find freedom from the limits all or nothing thinking puts us in. Whether you’re diving into DBT for the first time or looking to deepen your understanding, remember that it’s okay to feel both/and – it can be sunny and it can rain.

References:

Katz, J., Corum, J., & Huang, J. (2018, May 16). We made a tool so you can hear both Yanny and Laurel. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/05/16/upshot/audio-clip-yanny-laurel-debate.html

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press